The Major

On scratching itches and saving the environment

Save the Environment

    A medical emergency arose during one of Major Nathaniel Peabody’s (USA, ret.) grouse hunting expeditions. A young hunter, unaccustomed to the dangers of entering the woods without appropriate provisions, received an urgent call of nature and found he had neglected to bring any form of paper with him. In his confusion he wiped with a handful of poison ivy. Miles from modern medical services, the poor fellow had to resort to the partial relief of a river-mud poultice. He had to apply it himself. None of his fellow hunters would volunteer for the job.
    One evening as the men sat around the campfire (except the young hunter, who preferred to stand or lean against a tree), Peabody rattled the ice cubes in his empty glass and, while one of his companions found the single-malt Scotch and performed the refill ceremony, began a discourse designed to enlighten his shotgunning associates.
    “The historians tell us that toilet paper was first made in China in 1391,” he said. “The sheets were two feet by three feet, and only the Emperor was entitled to use them. We are further informed that Mr. Seth Wheeler invented perforated toilet paper and received US Patent No. 117355 on July 25, 1871. You will recall that this Earth-shattering read more »

Do you like what you read? Subscribe to Shooting Sportsman»